taking his lead

"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." - Lao Tzu

I recently came across this quote from the famous Chinese philosopher and have loved thinking about his message in respect to so many aspects of life. Of course the majority of us can apply this to how busy we make our lives and how much we try to accomplish. But the last few days I have been thinking a lot about this quote and how it relates to parenting. It can be difficult for some of us to sit back and not get overly involved in our children's lives. Often our motivation is driven by good intentions. But I have learned that it takes a lot of awareness to know when to just let our kids be. To allow them to grow in their own time. Yes, there are many times when we want to hurry them along. Wishing they took to toilet training faster. Waiting for their fear of water to subside so they will finally put their face in for the first time. Hoping they will have the perseverance to just attempt riding their bike without training wheels. Some children let you know when you've pushed too hard. Others don't speak up so quickly. Andrew and I have learned that Nathaniel is a kid that needs this space. He is not motivated by competition or by seeing his sister master a task. We have had to be patient with him and give him gentle coaxes in the right direction.

So, when Nathaniel started school in September I was thankful that he would have another atmosphere where he would see other children learning their letters and starting to read. He was definitely not interested in learning these things from me. And I backed off. I knew that pressuring him to learn when he wasn't interested would probably just backfire on me. He slowly showed interest and I met him where he was at. He started initiating games on our walks to school. I would say a word and he would figure out the first letter in the word. I would ask him about letters while we were reading and generally he was motivated to answer my questions. All through this process I knew I wanted him to show interest and to master these skills. I realize how important literacy is and how much our children are expected to know when they leave kindergarten. Although I realize these expectations are high for children his age, at times it has been difficult to see him lag behind other children his age. This is when I refocus on Nathaniel and watch where he is at in his own learning process. And how it has paid off. In the past few weeks something has just clicked in him. I'm sure a lot can be attributed to watching classmates practice their printing and reading skills. But his interest in printing and reading are coming from inside him. He is excited to learn. I became very aware of this when I bought his valentines. He was so interested in printing every one's name and getting them finished for his class. Now he spends time printing on paper, taking time to colour pictures and drawing his own creations. At the beginning of the school year he was bringing home pictures of blobs. He was happy with them and I was fine with them too. In a few short months he now creates pictures of people with detail. Fingers, arms, legs, facial features. He has blown me away.

I realize there will be many more developmental tasks we will wrestle with during Nathaniel's childhood. But this lesson has taught me the importance of trusting my son and taking his lead.